How to Get People to Listen to What You Have to Say

The following are speech habits and patterns that typically hamper a person's ability to communicate effectively:

Phrases like "I think", "I guess", "sort of" make you seem unsure about what you're saying.

Filling your conversations with extra words, sounds and phrases such as "you know", "know what I mean?", and "uh", minimizes the impact of your message.

Frequent use of pet words and phrases like "well", "clearly", "anyway", "the fact is", "if you ask me", and "on the other hand" make your speech pattern predictable and uninteresting.

Rambling on without getting to the point causes people to lose interest in what you're saying.

Answering a question in a question tone makes you sound uncertain. For example, if your boss asks, "When can I expect that report on my desk?" an you answer "This afternoon?" it's as if you're asking his permission to bring it to him at that time instead of telling him when you'll finish the report.

Speaking before gathering your thoughts. This results in being much wordier than necessary - a real turn-off for most listeners.

Succumbing to speech-related habits such as: constant throat clearing, covering your mouth with your hand, swallowing and making smacking noises, lip licking and lip biting. When conversing with someone displaying one of these habits, it's hard to get past what's going on with the hands, lips or tongue and concentrate on the content of the conversation.

Monopolizing a conversation. Even the best listeners want a chance to speak during a conversation.

Repeating yourself. Some people do this for emphasis. Too much repeating, however, makes you seem like a schoolteacher who's talking to the class dunce.

We sometimes laugh nervously when we aren't exactly sure about what we've just said or how it might be taken. Sometimes inserting nervous laughter after statements becomes a habit, one that says to others, "I don't take myself very seriously so don't pay attention to what I say".

The words we choose and our personal speech habits aren't the only things that make the difference between being listened to and being ignored.

Excerpt from the article "How to get people to listen to what you have to say" by Patricia L. Fry, published in the Toastmaster February 1995